losing myself

Sometimes I feel like shaking you and just asking you to say it.
That you feel nothing for me. That you never have and never will. Just so I could stop wondering that you do or whether or not they're right about you.
And at least I would be able to stop thinking and just start letting go.
I had forgotten what it feels like to be in the background. To be invisible. To be forgotten. And it was because of you. You made me feel like I was needed, remembered.
And loved.
But now that this is happening to us, I'm starting to remember what it's like.
I'm beginning to...
disappear...
again...

Crossing the line...

That was not the way I imagined I would tell him how I feel. I never even imagined that I would ever tell him. I just didn't want him to walk away hating me because I wouldn't tell him why the hell I was being the way I was. I couldn't bear that. At least, now, if he hates me for what I said, I would understand. I would rather know why, than to just hold it all inside and try not to act like that anymore.
Everything's going to change now. I know it is. Things will never be the same. I wonder if this is more painful than just having the feeling without having to do anything aside from denying it.

Di masaya..

Bawal mahulog.. Kasi walang sasalo.. Masakit.. Ayoko ng masaktan..
Kailangan ko nanaman bang umiyak at malunkot dahil hindi ko kayang magdesisyon para sa sarili ko? Ang hirap.. Masyadong mahirap..
Ayoko na. Ayoko na ng ganito.